How to Move Forward in Life When You Feel Stuck was originally published on Ivy Exec.
There are a few things that feel more stressful and scary than a feeling of “stuckness.”
This can be a result of multiple things, including:
- Loss of a job
- In a job you dislike/hate
- Having a hard time making a personal change
- Dealing with economic insecurity
- Tough family/relationship situation
- And many other examples…
No matter what the external situation, the internal turmoil is often what hurts the most.
So when you’re there – how do you move through?
🔹 You Always Have a Choice
One thing to remember in situations like this is that we ALWAYS have a choice.
Sure, there may be things that are restricting us, but we can always choose how we react and think, no matter the circumstances.
That never goes away.
This is amazingly put by Viktor Frankl, a psychologist who suffered in Nazi concentration camps during World War 2. He said:
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: The last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
You might think that in a concentration camp ALL freedom had been stripped from him. He was deprived of almost every human right imaginable. And yet he still believed he could choose his own attitude in that place.
If he can, I can too, as I can’t imagine a way that I’ll face a similar hardship as him.
🔹 Confront the Facts
When we talk about choosing our attitude and way of approaching things, I’m NOT saying to just put a smile on and pretend like everything is fine. That doesn’t work either.
Maybe I’m using too many war imprisonment stories, but I’m also inspired by Admiral Jim Stockdale, who was the highest-ranking United States military officer in the “Hanoi Hilton” prisoner-of-war camp during the height of the Vietnam War. Tortured over twenty times during his eight-year imprisonment from 1965 to 1973, Stockdale lived out the war without any prisoner’s rights, no set release date, and no certainty as to whether he would even survive to see his family again.
Author Jim Collins talked to him and asked him about how he got through it:
“I never lost faith in the end of the story,” he said when I asked him. “I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade.”
I didn’t say anything for many minutes, and we continued the slow walk toward the faculty club, Stockdale limping and arc-swinging his stiff leg that had never fully recovered from repeated torture.
Finally, after about a hundred meters of silence, I asked, “Who didn’t make it out?” “Oh, that’s easy,” he said. “The optimists.”
“The optimists? I don’t understand,” I said, now completely confused, given what he’d said a hundred meters earlier.
“The optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go.
Then they’d say, ‘We’re going to be out by Easter.’ And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart.”
Another long pause, and more walking. Then he turned to me and said, “This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end – which you can never afford to lose – with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”
So even while we don’t want to lose faith, we also have to confront the brutal facts. Things are as they are. Don’t pretend things are just going to happen when you want them to happen.
There is tension there, I get it. That’s why Jim Collins has coined this the “Stockdale Paradox.” But it’s in embracing both to be true – to have faith AND confront the facts – that we can be most powerful.
🔹 Take Messy Action
One thing that gets me stuck is feeling like I have to have it all figured out before moving forward and taking action.
Nothing can be further from the truth.
There is no moment when lightning is going to strike and let me know exactly what to do.
In fact, it’s only by taking messy, imperfect action that I’m likely to meet the people, collect the data, and do things that help me gain the clarity I so desperately want in those moments. When movement is happening, then things can happen.
And while I LOVE using prayer, meditation, journaling, and other reflective techniques to center myself, connect to God, and work through things, I have to get up off the chair and do something. I can’t meditate my stuckness away.
So get up. Make a decision. Do something. See what happens!
Invitation to Become
If this is you in this feeling of being “stuck,” you’re not alone. Often, these moments are some of the best experiences to teach us important lessons in our lives in the process of becoming.
Here are some things you might try:
- Talk to someone. Share what you’re going through. In doing so, you won’t feel so alone, and you’ll get the emotional support you likely need.
- Take a break and write in a journal/notebook – what is it that actually feels stuck? What are you really afraid of? What choices do you have? Make those choices.
- Find some messy action you can take. Start something new. This isn’t the time to overthink. Do something!
- Get therapy or a support group if you need mental health support. We often do.
- Also, don’t let your health suffer. Get good sleep, eat well, exercise, and get fresh air/sunshine when you can. All these things can have huge benefits.
If you want to use your journal as a tool to help you process this or other situations, you can grab my new 7 Day Journal Reset! Get it at becomewith.jeff-perry.com.
